The key issue to discuss when responding to these type of e-mails attacking “arranged marriage” (and behind it entire societies and peoples) is to look at “love marriage” itself and see how it works or does not.

What is the divorce rate in these marriages? Very high, 65%. Not nearly that high in “arranged marriages”.

“Arranged marriages” are the result of intense research not only by the parents, but also by all members of the two families to determine compatibility. In addition, the woman and the man not only have the final say in the decision, but also they get to know each other for sometime before they reach such decision.

Then comes the important question: what is love? since when love has become the basis of marriage? The response to the first question is very difficult, but we can say that love is an idea, an illusion, and a lie sold to us today by Hollywood and Bollywood as a sine qua none condition for marriage. Since love is associated with an intensity of feelings and an intensity of PHYSICAL attraction to someone, it never lasts. It dissipates or at best, it becomes a form of affection to the other person. This in modern understanding means your love has died and it is time to find a new one. But get a divorce first.

I bring this example to show that it is easy to point fingers and maybe we should start pointing fingers at ourselves first.

I do not have enough space and time to elaborate on all of this. But you got the idea: humans have different strategies to organize the institution of marriage, these strategies change from a society to a society, from a group to a group, from an age to another, from a time to a time. There is no better and there is no worst, each has his own, and each prefers whatever form suits him or her. Mine is the Na of China. They do not have the institution of marriage, they do not have a name for it, nor do they have a name for a father, or a bastard. They live their lives without it. The Chinese government in 1948 wanted to force them to marry. But they refused. Instead, they like to visit each other at night, late at night and not always the same person. You may not like this, but they may not like your idea of “love marriage” or “arranged marriage”. They have their way and you have yours.

However, the Muslim marriage from the people I know really bother me. From the outside they seem happy but who really knows what goes on at home or what people are really thinking. I see these young girls with no experiences hooked up with their cousins at a young age. Most wear the niqab, so no one can see their face. And, I think if I was in their shoes could I be happy..and I think in would be hard..and if would be like the lotto if your cousin was someone you could be attracted to and like the personality. Also, the idea of inbreeding really bothers me. It seems so unnatural against all natural selection and genetic diversity. The fact that children of cousin marriages develop defects more frequently than other children should be a big hint that something is wrong with that type of arrangement. As much as I want to accept or understand arraigned marriage, I just can’t. I thought about it a lot. I really believe it is kind of evil because it goes against natural selection which God created. It is a type of selfishness from the families. They only care to the superficial and not to the true feeling and heart.

Saying forced marriages are a thing of the past is absurd. We may like to think society is freer now in this day and age and maybe it isn’t but you can’t turn a blind eye to things that still exist. It’s like saying people aren’t racist any more.